This disease is draining. It is relentless. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to even try to keep pace in the fight. It is a constantly opening race. One must dig deep.
I am running low on fuel these days. This is not uncommon for me. My life is a perpetual ALS roller coaster. There are so many factors that affect where we are on this hellride. I do my best to navigate these obstacles, but the wear catches up.
I have these bouts of no motivation. I am sure it is just a normal occurrence, but I am also sure that it is compounded by external sources . Goings on in the world, physical issues, worries and social interactions among them.
Most of the social and worldly issues are fairly easy to dismiss , but I admit that some of it affects me more deeply. Really, the lack of support from those other than my nuclear family tends to be a thorn in my side. I know that I shouldn’t let it get to me, but it is disheartening.
The last few months have been a bit melancholy, also. Numerous deaths within the ALS community. Closer to home, two of my ALS buddies have had serious health adversities. Personally, I had a recent scare, too. All of it leads to a realization of the fragility of our lives.
Some of these emotions lead to anger. Anger about why we are still given a death sentence for ALS . Anger because so many don’t seem to care. The crazy thing is, so much is being changed in the ALS world. So, there is much to be excited about and hopeful. I am right in the thick of it, but I am still in a funk.
I will get past this shortly. I will find my motivation. I just have to dig deeper.